What folk song are you? Our staff of highly trained professionals, incorporating the latest technologies and intuitive musical proclivity probes, guides you gently to your inner song. We begin with a neural-stimulating questionnaire and move quickly through a series of melody and rhythm provoking exercises. After a brief and painless osciilloscan, followed by a high-speed data swirl, each participant is escorted to an aesthetically appropriate, user-friendly Folkalpod. There, in a glowing orange tent under the elongated shadows of Moderne Art Deco architecture along the mighty Mississippi River, with a small group of friendly strangers of compatible folkal-tendencies, you are taught the song. It is yours, forever, to carry forth into the night. Can you say Folkalopolis?